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Baeyelee.

[ website | iheartcoreyandwithinarmsreach. ]
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[ calendar | livejournal calendar ]

[02 Sep 2004|11:18am]
this livejournal is no more.
i have a new one.
and you already know it if i love you.
and i have a new screen name.
and you already know it if i love you.
2 dirty deeds| and they're done dirt cheap

[27 Aug 2004|09:29pm]
[ mood | angry ]

my phone is back on. IM me to get the new number. oh my heck, it is so easy.

also i made the freshman team. coach said i will probably never leave the court. which is great. IM me and i will give you the schedule, too.

i have my sister back. barely, but its enough to keep me content for a while.

nick just left. and i could murder a person or two.

2 dirty deeds| and they're done dirt cheap

[23 Aug 2004|07:59am]

 this is my puppy.  she is 6 weeks old.  and not even as big as my head.  her name is Moppet.  and shes really soft.  she fell asleep when i was taking pictures.  and that is cute.

 

 

Keep those comments coming. 100!
6 dirty deeds| and they're done dirt cheap

[21 Aug 2004|08:06am]
[ mood | awake ]

i want 100 comments on this post. i don't care who you are or if i know you or not or what you say. just...100!

im leaving in a few hours. and i will be back sunday. lets make magic. and have plenty of comments ready for me to read when i get back.

alright.

1....
2.....
3......
GOGOGOGOGGOGOGOGOG!!!

love.

59 dirty deeds| and they're done dirt cheap

[20 Aug 2004|12:57pm]
i just deleted my entry on accident. fucking shit. im not even doing it again.
and they're done dirt cheap

fuckin represent [19 Aug 2004|11:01pm]
[ mood | annoyed ]

http://www.atcoobm.cjb.net/

3

2

1

GOGOGOGOGOGOGOG!!!!!!!!!!!

2 dirty deeds| and they're done dirt cheap

[18 Aug 2004|11:49am]
[ mood | disgusted ]

im eating meat again.

but ONLY during volleyball. as SOON as its over its RIGHT back to being a vegetarian for me. and NOOOOO hamburger. uck. just turkey and chicken. but im doing it for my mom. so she doesn't have to worry about me passing out during practice or games and what not. and i ate a turkey sandwich and i was way close to puking. ugh.

im so serious. this is only lasting a little while. im so disgusted with myself. eww.

and they're done dirt cheap

I love my Scamp Scamp. [18 Aug 2004|01:58am]
[ mood | SO HAPPY OH MY GOD ]

Scamper and I were having a conversation about me playing volleyball.  and she made me so happy.  she is such a great girl and i love her waaaaaayyy more than you ever will. so she deserves a post all about her. :) Love you.

mysatanlovesongx: all i have to do now is actually MAKE the team
mysatanlovesongx: hah.  and after that i have to be better than most of the other girls to get more playing time. then i will be ecstatic.
EmericaSkateTosh: You will be betta then all da rest.
EmericaSkateTosh: your my honey bee your better than any other girl i know at anything.
mysatanlovesongx: oh my god.
mysatanlovesongx: i love you so much
mysatanlovesongx: that made me smile so much
mysatanlovesongx: will you come to my games and be like "GO HONEY BEE!!!"?
EmericaSkateTosh: FUCK YAH I WILL
EmericaSkateTosh: dude totally
EmericaSkateTosh: i wouldnt miss one for million dollars honey bee.
EmericaSkateTosh: unless they were far away.. hah
EmericaSkateTosh: BUUTT
EmericaSkateTosh: ill have my license in january. so um yes if your season of volley ball starts after that
EmericaSkateTosh: i will try my best to go to all of them.
EmericaSkateTosh: because i love you that fucking much.
mysatanlovesongx: oh my god.  you make my day.  and now im in such a good mood.
EmericaSkateTosh: Well you make me smile everytime I see your instant message pop up.
mysatanlovesongx: gosh darn you :)
mysatanlovesongx: season starts in two weeks and ends in october, i think.  and if games are far away, you can go with my mom because she goes to all of my games and usually takes a car load of my freinds. 
EmericaSkateTosh: And Ill go with your mom then.
EmericaSkateTosh: TO see my gorgeous honey bee play her favorite game.

Ohhhhhh yeah.Collapse )

2 dirty deeds| and they're done dirt cheap

[16 Aug 2004|10:13pm]
[ mood | ecstatic ]

I GET TO PLAY VOLLEYBALL!!!

Oh, thats big, HUGE even.  i LIVE to be on that volleyball team, though it may not be that good. and i thought FOR SURE i wasn't going to be able to because of my grades last year because of stupid MEDICAL PROBLEMS.  blah. BUT ITS ALL OK OH MY GOD IM SO HAPPY.  i CRIED when i saw my grades this year because all i could think of was i wasn't going to be able to play.  and volleyball means more to me than...something that means a lot to me.  but my mother worked wonders and im good to go.  granted, im going to be monitered and watched so my grades don't slip but thats ok.  i can deal with that.

things are starting to look up:)
im sure i willl regret saying that, later.  because every time i do say it, something horrible happens.

and its funny that all it took was time away from my house and around other people.

2 dirty deeds| and they're done dirt cheap

[14 Aug 2004|08:08pm]
[ mood | lonely ]

white kids love hip-hopCollapse )

2 dirty deeds| and they're done dirt cheap

[14 Aug 2004|03:13am]
[ mood | confused ]

I just spent hours reading every journal entry Krista has ever posted. I miss her so much. It's not even fair anymore.

today was productive, i suppose. i cleaned my room and my hamsters cage and did laundry and what not. and im super clean. because i took three showers. that is on the verge of being obsessive compulsive.

i was in SUCH a good mood earlier and everyone around me and everyone i talked to (save Taurra) was so crabby. so i went and took a nap and when i woke up i was in the most horrible mood. and corey was sending me programs for my computer and i didn't know how to work them and i got so frusterated. and then i actually got SAD that kyle wouldn't come over. that, on top of all the stress from the past few days with krista and her mother, and my own mother, and kyanna and alexa, and running away all resulted in one emotional break down. and i had another anxiety attack. thats the third this month. and its the 14th.

i just wish for one day i could have my head on straight and i could understand everything. it seems that everyone around me fathoms everything. and i can't apprehend a single thing.

sunday should be good. who doesn't love a trip to Enchanted Forest with their buzz buddie.


..And just as I've convinced myself I don't need you, it turns out I need you more than ever. I love you Kyanna and Alexa.

and they're done dirt cheap

[13 Aug 2004|05:17am]
[ mood | giggly ]

um guys. lets hang out. i need to get out of my house and go have fun. i'll go do anything. kidnap me or something. or i'll go to your house. i just need to gooooooooooooooooo somewhere. thank you.

4 dirty deeds| and they're done dirt cheap

[12 Aug 2004|11:33pm]

wahoooooo. Collapse )

and they're done dirt cheap

[12 Aug 2004|04:05pm]
[ mood | blank ]

now my brother is moving out.

and it only pisses me off because we hate it here just as much as he does. and hes just going to up and leave because he can and we are never going to hear from him. thats just how he is. because, honestly, we don't mean shit to him.

oh, and no one even told me until last night. when i was at my grandmothers house she told me. my grandmother told me. because apparently my mother and brother are speach impaired. and my grandma started crying when we were talking about it. thats big. my grandmother never cries. and she knows that my family is falling the fuck apart and it upsets her so much. because she can't do anything about it. and that upsets me because im doing the best i can. but i can't do everything. and andrew is already saying that as soon as his dad moves into his new house (sometime within the next year) he is moving in with him. and that leaves Cassie, Alex and I. and im staying put until they are older. im glad that nick and andrew get to leave. i wish we could all leave. but i know them. and i know they are not going to want to have anything to do with being here ever again. blah. this sucks.

and they're done dirt cheap

[11 Aug 2004|08:31am]
alright. busy passed two days.

my friends are cunts.
my mother thinks im a horrible daughter.
i ran away.
so I BEEN LIVIN IT UP, YO.
yeah, except no. not at all.
and now, im back at my house.
why? oh yeah because i am the most fucked up runaway ever. because i run away and then while my mother is at work, i come home and watch the kids and clean the house. because I always do it. and i have been gone for 24 hours. aka, i have no idea where the kids are right now and the house is thrashed. and then 15 minutes before she will be home, i will leave again. god damnit. im not their mother. i don't know why i feel the need to do this. its because i feel bad for them because i know exactly what its like because she did it to me too and i have a conscience and i don't want them to grow up like me and ugh ugh ugh. i wish i could take them with me. because last night i had the hardest time going to sleep knowing i just left them all here. hence the reason i came back from north dakota. i had massive panick attacks up there and went ballistic. and my little sister already cries all the time. and its so sad. and so i take her places with me and she is a complete bitch and i get mad and i know i shouldn't because she just wants attention. if i thought i was ready to have kids right now, i would have some. but i know im not. and it seems like im taking this all on by myself. NO, BUT MAYBE IM JUST BULLSHITTING THIS ALL, RIGHT ALEXA? I MEAN, MY HOUSE CAN'T BE THAT BAD. WOULDN'T I ALWAYS WANT TO LEAVE IF IT WAS?!!?! AHAHA OH WAIT. I HAVE RESPONSIBILITIES AT HOME. AND STUFF THAT I HAVE TO DO BECAUSE NO ONE ELSE WILL. AND RATHER THAN JUST LEAVE IT ALL, I COME BACK AND TAKE CARE IF IT LIKE IM SUPPOSED TO. not like you would know what its like or anything.

i need a best friend. and right now... i can't talk to anyone without fighting with them. (save krista, kayla, felicia, and corey.) i got in a massive fight with kyanna and alexa and then i walk down stairs and get in a huge fight with my mother. WHAT THE FUCK. i just want to be able to tell someone everything. because even though kyanna, alexa and i were 'best friends' i didn't tell them when i lost my virginity (granted i hardly told anyone) and i didn't tell them anything that went on in my life in the past six months. i didn't tell them anything that a best friend should be telling a best friend. if krista could see me for even a split second everyday and kayla would leave her house and come here, it would be perfect. but no. blah.
5 dirty deeds| and they're done dirt cheap

[09 Aug 2004|08:33pm]
you guys should do this. it will make me love you a teensy bit more.Collapse )
12 dirty deeds| and they're done dirt cheap

[08 Aug 2004|05:54pm]
[ mood | relieved ]

ello ello livejournal.

change your own fucking gender, kyle.Collapse )

im waiting for corey to come get me. so we can go to the show. and of course, his truck broke down on the way here. so he is having it towed right now and i might possibly either be late to the show or not go. and if i don't go im going to be sad because i have fucking W.A.R shaved into my head because john and robbie's band is called Within Arms Reach. and i want them to see it and i want to see them and corey.

and i talked to mark today and i didn't have sex with him. i had sex with tavrick. im so stupid. but tavrick is a good guy and everyone has assured us that we used a condom. hah, they would know. it was on mark's table. shit.

we were drunk and im dumb. and tavrick is 19 and im dumb. so everyone, lets not lecture me on how stupid it was of me to do that. because trust me, i know. and ive beat myself up enough for it already. shit happens, i guess. theres nothing i can do about it. i mean, i don't really regret it.

for the past few days it has been kind of up in the air wether i did that or not because i was just that drunk that i had no idea. so if i've been a bitch or ignoring you or what not, you didn't do anything. i was just really stressed out and worried about all of that. so im sorry guys.

im hungry and i want an orange. Iloveyougoodbye.

and they're done dirt cheap

[07 Aug 2004|11:06pm]
[ mood | sad ]

i know i've said it before, but i miss krista.

a lot.

it has been months since i have seen her. just because her mom doesn't like me. and for what? who the hell knows. the only thing we have been able to think of is the way i look. i really really don't know. its not like i was ever rude to her or anything or ever did/said anything bad in front of her. and i was always polite. i faked a seizure in hollywood video one time and embarrassed her and that is the only thing i can possibly think of that would make her think im a bad kid or whatever.

so i cant see her. and when i tried calling the other day i couldn't talk to her.

guh. im dying.

I love you krista.

you are so funny and beautiful and you are my pumpkin love and my lover and i miss you too much.

1 dirty deed| and they're done dirt cheap

[06 Aug 2004|06:33pm]
[ mood | weird ]

<3ZACH IS BACK<3


Kyanna, Zach, Kylynn, Sam, Leah and I were at leahs last night.

kylynn put my hair in braids. yeah, i was black.

Then her dad went psycho and kicked us out.

at 3 in the morning.

So we came here.

and we kinda slept. for a few minutes. but we were really kind of up all morning.

kyle called me a raging bitch. and it made me kind of happy. because he made me kind of mad.

then kylynn and sam left. and leah talked on my computer while kyanna, zach and i got ready. and we went back to leahs to get our shit.

and while i was there GUESS WHAT!?!?! I LOST MY TAPER OH MY FUCKING GOD I THINK IM MORE UPSET ABOUT THIS THAN I REALLY SHOULD BE BUT I GOT REALLY REALLY MAD AND THREW A FIT AND SCREAMED 'FUCK' A BUNCH OF TIMES AND STOMPED MY FEET AND WAS MAD. yeah, im crazy.

then kyanna went home.

and zach and i came here.

we ate pizza.

and now im here and he is sleeping and we are waiting for kyanna.

i think i need to call kyle. i haven't talked to him in a long while.

not the kyle i was talking about before.

a different one.

because i know two.

because i rule.

and they're done dirt cheap

[05 Aug 2004|12:29am]
[ mood | sad ]

people bug me.

seriously, when girls have a boyfriend one week and they are in LOVE with them and then the next week they have another boyfriend, guess what? they are in LOVE with them too?

does the word 'love' even mean anything to anyone anymore?

i've never said it to a boyfriend. but thats just me. i dunno.

nobody can be loyal anymore. or even make up their minds. and people who cheat. its so sad. that people have the capability to hurt someone like that.

its funny how boys are drawn to the girls like that. they don't want anything to do with the girls that don't cheat and don't lie and will mean it if/when they say they love them, like me. i guess i suck. haha.

i do miss being with kyle. and sleeping next to him and being important to someone and being able to kiss him whenever i wanted and know he wanted it too. and being able to lounge around his house with him all day when we didn't want to do anything. it made me happier than anything.

but after that, i realized that every relationship i ever fall into, im going to start it KNOWING that it will end eventually but HOPING that we will be together forever. and while it lasts its bliss but when its all done, the heart ache was never worth it.

so either it wasn't all that great, or the break up is just unbearably painful. you choose.

so just kiss me, and go. before i get attatched.

10 dirty deeds| and they're done dirt cheap

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